Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
