I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just cropdusted the office
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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