we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
