chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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