lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
