he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
