HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
