I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
