Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
