Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
