I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
