im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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