Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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