Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
