do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
