Your tits are I can't wait for
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
