Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
