I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
