I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize