Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
