I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
