a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
