i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
