I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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