I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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