I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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