i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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