Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
