He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
