My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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