this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
