grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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