The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize