omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
