I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize