u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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