she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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