SEEEEXXX PLEASE
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
