wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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