I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
