Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize