Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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