for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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