She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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