he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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