cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
