You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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