Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
