sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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