Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize