I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
