Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
