as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
