What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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