# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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