I got chris browned last night
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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