Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
