Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
