I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
