I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
