You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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