no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
