Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
