he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
