everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
