chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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