i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
