So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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