Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
