why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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