I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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