I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
